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It’s my book birthday…and a long note from me to you (or maybe a PSA)…

Time to share the author’s note from this little book that means so much to me…

It’s my book birthday. TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT is my 8th book. And this book has been with me in some pretty difficult times and yet helped me move forward. And what better way to celebrate this book birthday than to hopefully raise some awareness and share my own experience to maybe help someone else.

Yesterday I shared my book release campaign. I’m donating $1 per purchase to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society for the entire month of September for #BloodCancerAwarenessMonth and my friend (and very talented author) Katy Upperman is matching those donations up to $100. And while I was writing I was thinking on how even though cancer doesn’t define me, it’s not like I can simply wish it away. I can enjoy the moments and be present and sometimes I wonder if I talk too much about it. But, you know what, even though it doesn’t define me, it’s part of my daily life. I see the scars. And I feel it in the neuropathy in my feet. I see it on the calendar as I start mobilization in about 10 days. I also do a lot of other things. And I can talk about a lot of other things. It’s a balance. And it’s important to me. It’s also important to me to share what I wrote in the author’s note of TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT.

So, I thought that on my book birthday, I’ll share it with all of you.

So here we go….

All my books feel special to me. But this one? Those characters who have become real in my imagination? They feel extra special. Maybe because there is so much of me in them. Maybe because they have helped me move forward. Maybe because I am so proud of this book.

They belong to you now, but for a while they were only in my mind. I started writing this book what feels like forever ago, even though it’s been maybe over a year or maybe two years. It’s kind of a blur.

I was diagnosed with Hodgkin lymphoma in October 2017. After months of feeling tired. After months of coughing. After months of backache.

It all started with shooting pain in my shoulder and arm after drinking a sip of alcohol. It was so bad that I started taking Tylenol if I knew I was going to have a glass. It was the holiday season. And I do enjoy a glass here and there and really didn’t want to miss drinking Champagne on New Year’s Eve. I googled my symptoms as I do and I found that having pain while drinking alcohol could be an early symptom of Hodgkin’s lymphoma. I thought I felt something underneath my arm too, but it wasn’t always there. My mind went on overdrive. And did I mention I have anxiety?

Since the pain wasn’t going away and my upper back pain was actually intensifying, I went to my primary care physician at the end of 2016. But he basically told me that he’d never heard of the pain with the alcohol symptom for lymphoma, and that based on his physical evaluation he really didn’t think I should be too worried. He dismissed my concerns and told me I should do physical therapy for my upper back because it could very well be muscle weakness. And me having anxiety, I thought, Okay…my heightened concerns stem from my over-imaginative mind, so I’ll do the physical therapy and see. He also told me I could do bloodwork but I figured if he was really worried and not just appeasing my worries, he’d tell me otherwise. I didn’t do my bloodwork (which could have very well shown nothing at that stage because Hodgkin’s lymphoma is funny like that).

I did months of physical therapy. I changed physical therapists so that it was closer to my work (I was teaching German at a wonderful community college then). None of them asked me to undergo x-rays. I went back to my primary care physician because of a lingering cough in August 2017. Unfortunately it was a different one and she dismissed my concerns. She also didn’t notice I had lost weight. I hadn’t noticed either but it was summer and I was wearing clothes that fit. I did have to buy new pairs of jeans but I figured it was because I had been more active. After all, I was doing physical therapy.

But my cough continued. My back pain was keeping me up at night. I was feeling like crap.

And I remember driving to work one day, coughing and yelling in my car that no matter what was making me cough, I was going to be okay. I knew. Deep inside, I knew there was more going on with this cough.

I started jogging again which in retrospect and after finding out what was going on in my body makes me wonder how I managed to run. Granted it wasn’t fast or long, but still…

I decided to continue working out too. But one day, I felt dizzy while working out. I blamed it on not drinking enough water.

I was teaching two classes and writing and doing a thousand things as always. But one day, I felt dizzy teaching, which I blamed on maybe not eating enough. I started eating more snacks despite the fact that I wasn’t hungry. I continued working and writing and telling myself it was okay. Because I went to see my doctor.

I had an itch and a rash during that time too, but I also have sensitive skin so what are the chances?

…Until I found a lump above my chest in early fall of 2017. And then I went back to see my primary care physician and everything went very fast after that.

By the time I got diagnosed I had a very large mass in my chest, which was now basically poking out of my chest wall, hence the lump. It was such a large mass that the thoracic surgeon who did my biopsy told me I shouldn’t sleep laying down because the mass could be a risk to my trachea. That was scary. I remember sitting with my husband on our bed and we were crossing our fingers that the surgeon would call me back to let me know the biopsy showed Hodgkin’s and not some other cancer which had way less of a good prognosis.

I laughed and reassured my family when I got the diagnosis. Because we got the news we wanted. But still it was hard. And it got even harder.

There was a time we weren’t quite sure if I’d still be alive today. And I am. And I am thriving.

And yes, I’m still in treatment today. Hodgkin’s is a very treatable cancer but sometimes it takes longer when you’re not in the majority of patients who are cured with first-line treatment. I didn’t talk about cancer much online at first and I didn’t tell many people, because I thought I was going to be part of the large percentage of patients that go into remission after their first-line treatment.

But then I didn’t.

And then I had experiences which plainly sucked. I could probably write a book about fighting for your rights, fighting to be heard, fighting for your care as a cancer patient.

I remember telling one of my oncologists that I was worried about getting a PICC line (peripherally inserted central catheter which is a form of intravenous access) because the mass was narrowing my SVC (superior vena cava), and that oncologist dismissed me. I asked him twice. I asked the nurse who told me, “Well, if they say it’s possible, we should try.” My husband wasn’t in the room with me and it was painful and I was scared and the nurse kept on hitting a snag and then my heart galloped and she said, “I’m never doing this to you again. If they want you to go through it again, they need to send you to intervention radiology.”

When I met with that oncologist again (who wasn’t my primary oncologist but higher up), he smiled, raised his hand, and walked back out of the room. Like it was nothing. Like that wasn’t traumatizing. I mean, granted it was nothing like a bone marrow biopsy, but still…(that’s another story). That same oncologist told me once the first chemo didn’t work as well as it usually does, “Now you’ve become interesting.” Oh and I could tell you so much more. Like how he dismissed a treatment that was not coming from his “group” as inefficient and yet our third opinion from MSK saw it as possibility because “studies have shown it works.”

He’s no longer my oncologist for these reasons and many others. We trusted the Fellow we had, but that same oncologist who had dismissed my concerns kept on pushing for one treatment plan, making it seem like it was our one and only option. We weren’t so sure about their treatment plan forward, and when we asked questions, we didn’t get many answers. It was a very hard time. I couldn’t talk without getting out of breath. I couldn’t drive. I couldn’t walk without getting dizzy. And I was scared of going through that treatment plan still feeling the way I did. Both the oncologist we saw at MSK and the one we saw at the University of Maryland Greenebaum Cancer Center gave us hope again.

And hope is so important.

I’m not going to go into details because this is a note from me to you, not another book ☺ Just like I’m not going to go into details on the ER visits, and the neuropathy and dealing with health insurance and billing and all that.

I’m now treated at the Greenebaum Cancer Center and I’m very grateful to my team there. As I’m writing this, the plan is for me to go through an autologous stem-cell transplant and yes, I’m very scared about the entire process, but I have a wonderful team and I advocate for myself and I’m heard and I feel in control of the things I can be in control of and I learn to deal with the things I can’t necessarily control.

As a cancer patient, I’m so grateful to the Greenebaum Cancer Center for truly being an comprehensive cancer center. My sessions with Vicky Wilson have helped me tremendously. I’m less anxious, less stressed. I know that it’s okay to not always be okay. And I owe it to her.

And after switching chemo, I found a way to create different moments, like organize a fundraiser for associations who help young adult facing cancer. And one of my highlights? Jenna Fisher (who I loved in The Office but would watch in pretty much anything) not only donated but she also tweeted at me ☺

Don’t get me wrong, there were a lot of hard moments, but there were also a lot, a lot of good ones throughout treatment. And therapy helps!

I’m very grateful to my oncologist, Dr. Aaron Rapoport, for letting me be a part of the team and especially for giving us hope—and for never making me feel like I didn’t matter. To the nurses (especially Liz and Meeghan and the infusion nurses) and Meghan (from the Ulman Fund) and Nancy (Survivorship Navigator) who always manage to put a smile on my face and who also sometimes just let me cry when I need to cry.

I may be tearing up writing this author’s note.

If you don’t know what to do for someone who’s close to you, who is going through treatment, is in remission or might have relapsed, or got diagnosed recently, sometimes you just need to be there. Organize a meal train (thank you to the Chemical Engineer’s boss for starting one for us and for his colleagues for keeping us fed during the months of chemo treatment). Send a card. Mow their lawn. Text them. Call them. Connect with them. Even if they’re far away. Don’t forget them. And it’s okay to talk about something else. And it’s okay to ask about it. Everyone reacts differently. And not everyone has the same experience with chemo and treatment. But I think not feeling like you’re left behind is important. And when you’re going through treatment, you may be too tired or too sick or too vulnerable to be the one keeping that connection. So, reaching out without always expecting an answer really helps.

 Sometimes this cancer treatment thing takes a long time, and it’s important to not lose that connection.

And, if you’re reading this author’s note, I urge you to advocate for yourself, to not let your anxiety (if you’re prone to it) be used as an excuse as to why you are feeling strange or sick. Sure, it can be related to anxiety but you do need to be checked out.

You need to be listened to.

You need to have your medical team take your concerns seriously.

Because some days, I do wonder if maybe the first-line treatment would have worked if we had caught it before the mass went through my chest wall. And I’ll never be sure so I don’t dwell on it. But still…it’s important that your worries do not get dismissed.

If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, then my wish for you is to be able to also find a professional who can help you get through the tough moments and who can give you the tools you need.

And you know what else? Enjoy the little moments.

Create those little moments too, because sometimes you have to readjust. But those moments, you can still find them. A ray of sunshine. A laugh. A good book. A conversation.

Those moments? They truly are the big ones ☺

I probably should add the “Buy links” here but you can find all those in my release campaign post here.

If you’ve read that far, you can also share that release month campaign by retweeting Katy 🙂

or retweeting Katy,

Or sharing this post…

But mainly, what you can really do is spread awareness and advocate for yourself and others if you can and enjoy the little moments.

❤ ❤ ❤

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Trust Me, Trust Me Not release month campaign (exclusive content, giveaway and #BloodCancerAwarenessMonth donation)

Add TMTMN to your Goodreads – Bookmark TMTMN on BookBub
Request your library to add an e-copy to Overdrive
Pre-order (before 09/05) or buy the e-book (on & after 09/05) on Amazon  Kobo –iTunes – B&N  Google Play )
Buy a paperback copy on Amazon
.

I started writing TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT what seems like forever ago. And yet, I “only” started writing it in March 2018. I was still undergoing chemo for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma then. I was in my 5th month of chemo then. I’m still in treatment today.

MSKCC’s website explains: “Hodgkin lymphoma (Hodgkin’s disease) is an uncommon form of lymphoma. It is distinguished by the presence of large abnormal tumor cells called Hodgkin Reed-Sternberg cells. Although Hodgkin lymphoma can occur in both children and adults, it is usually diagnosed in young adults between 20 and 34. ” As per the Leukemia & Lymphoma society, in 2019, there are expected to be 82,310 new cases of lymphoma diagnosed in the US (8,110 cases of HL, 74,200 cases of NHL). You can find some of the symptoms here.

This book has been with me through chemo treatments, ER visits, a clean scan, a not-so clean scan, a relapse, spleen biopsy, radiation, another so-so scan, a more worrisome scan, a bronchoscopy, a mediastinoscopy, immunotherapy treatment, a better scan, the decision to undergo an autologous stem cell transplant (more information from the University of Maryland Greenebaum Comprehensive Cancer Center about Blood & Marrow Transplants),

So, yep, this book has been with me through quite a bit.

And since its release is on September 5th, during Lymphoma Awareness month, I decided to run a release month campaign to raise funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

For every purchase of TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT during the month of September, I’ll donate $1 to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Plus, when you order and fill out the form below, you’ll receive an exclusive epilogue and you’ll also be entered in a $25 gift card to your favorite bookstore giveaway.

You can pre-order the e-book before September 5th or you can purchase it starting September 5th and during the rest of the month, It is available on all e-retailers. And you can also get a paperback copy on Amazon.

To receive the exclusive epilogue from Lacey’s point-of-view and be entered in the giveaway, you can simply fill out this form.

You can get the e-book on all online retailers (Amazon–  Kobo –iTunes – B&N  Google Play), and the paperback version on Amazon.

If you’d like, you can also add it on Goodreads, BookBub, and request it on Overdrive (for your library)

  • How can I help spread the word?

You can share this post with your friends or on social media. You can share a picture of your order or of the book. I’ve prepared a tweet and a text you can use. And below there are the pictures of the giveaway in different sizes…but your own pictures of the book might actually work better 🙂

  • Spread the word on Twitter

Click on TweetThis to tweet the following text: Grab your copy of TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT now! For each purchase of the book in September, @enowodazkij will donate $1 to @LLSusa for #BloodCancerAwarenessMonth – Plus, there’s a giveaway and exclusive content. All details here: https://elodienowodazkij.com/tmtmn/

Tweet: Grab your copy of TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT now! For each purchase of the book in September, @enowodazkij will donate $1 to @LLSusa for #BloodCancerAwarenessMonth Plus, there's a giveaway and exclusive content. All details here: https://elodienowodazkij.com/tmtmn/
  • You can share those images (your own images of the book could work better :-)): You can download them (for IG, Twitter, Facebook here )

Thank you so much!

Books

TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT is available for pre-order :-)

I couldn’t put it down!

The suspense is awesome.

I just realized that I didn’t do a dedicated blog announcement about this book that means so much to me…so here it goes.

Discover Lacey & Hunter’s story in TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT, the third standalone book in the Gavert City series.

TRUST ME, TRUST ME NOT (Lacey & Hunter’s story) comes out on September 5th but you can pre-order it today! ( AmazonKoboiTunesB&N Google Play )

Amazing picture by Lindee Robinson and design by Najla Qamber Design

PRE-ORDER IT NOW – AmazonKoboiTunesB&N Google Play

She thought she left the cult behind. He thought he’d always protect her. They were oh so wrong.

Twenty-year-old Lacey Simon jumped from a building on fire to escape the cult her stepdad was leading, so college should be oh so easy. Except Lacey can’t seem to move on. Not only does she receive threatening letters, she’s also failing her classes. Fun times. Only Hunter, the firefighter who saved her from the fire and who’s been there for her ever since, reminds her that her stepdad no longer dictates her future. He tutors her in English, and he makes her laugh, blush and help her be more daring. But why does it feel like he’s only doing this to redeem himself from mistakes of his past?

Twenty-one-year-old Hunter Harrington used to think he was invincible until a frat party turned tragic and he discovered a dead body in the pool. Ever since that day, he’s been doing his best to keep his grades up and help others. Yep, he even joined the volunteer firefighters’ college program. When he’s accused of plagiarism, he’s forced to spend more time with Lacey. Not that he minds. He’d love to get even closer. But he has secrets of his own that could destroy their relationship before it even starts. And can he really keep her safe?

Can they trust themselves and each other enough to no longer be afraid to love and…to stay alive?



Books, cover, Giveaway, See Me See Me Not

Cover Reveal: SEE ME, SEE ME NOT!

SEE ME,
Try as they might…
SEE ME NOT,
Tessa and Luke can’t escape their past

OH MY…You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to show you this cover…they’re the perfect Luke & Tessa.

Luke and Tessa.

I know I’m not supposed to have favorites but their connection is so strong and their chemistry is pretty off the charts too. They have their issues (pretty big ones…like a sister who disappeared and a past that doesn’t want to let go) but the way they grow closer and trust one another is…<3 ❤ ❤

To celebrate I have a LOT going on:

Anyways 🙂 ….here is the cover!

– Photographer: Lindee Robinson
– Cover Designer: Najla Qamber Designs 
– Cover models: Travis Bendall & Kelly Kirstein

AVAILABLE FOR PREORDER NOW! Only $3.99!

Amazon: http://amzn.to/2sOxjg1

iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/book/id1249878397

Kobo: https://www.kobo.com/us/en/ebook/see-me-see-me-not

B&N: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/2940154691922

Six years ago, Tessa Gardner’s sister, Mellie, disappeared. Despite lingering guilt and the never ending desire to find her, seventeen-year-old Tessa works hard to keep it together. But when her childhood crush, seventeen-year-old Luke Simon, rolls back into her small Texan town, he threatens to topple the delicate balance she created. She’s drawn to him—and the way he makes her smile. He’s the only one who seems to understand her, but he’s got a dark past of his own. Even the fake psychics who swear Mellie is still alive tell Tessa that Luke will cause her pain.

Luke Simon knows a thing or two about guilt. He moved in with his uncle to escape his past, but memories threaten to eat him alive. He does what he can to keep his anger in check—quieting his thoughts by making out with one meaningless girl after the next. Tessa, and her long legs and her hard-earned smiles and her kindness is the only girl who’s ever mattered. She’s the one untainted memory he has from his childhood and he could talk to her for hours. He could do anything with her for hours. But the truth about his past might send her running. Or worse.

While Tessa and Luke try their hardest to live in the present, their pasts lurk in the shadows, more intertwined than they could imagine. When the bodies of the fake psychics are found, Tessa realizes that the truth about what happened to Mellie is right around the corner—and it may be too late to save her sister—and herself.


 

Do you want to see more teasers? Don’t hesitate to join my Facebook Cozy Nook….

 

 

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FEAR ME, FEAR ME NOT has a cover and a giveaway :)

Facebook Cover

My new book, a YA romantic suspense novel FEAR ME, FEAR ME NOT has been in the making for several years. I could say I wrote it in 3 months, but it’s actually taken me 3 years to get the story where I wanted it to be. It will be published on September 27th, 2016 and you can already pre-order it here. 

While browsing the pre-made covers of Najla Qambers , I came across one I fell in love with for a book about another character. The photographer was Lindee Robinson, so I reached out to her to see if I could see more pictures of different couples and I found Erin and Dimitri 🙂

Thank you so much Najla and Lindee!

Fear Me, Fear Me Not Cover

SCREAM meets FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS in this new young adult romantic suspense novel by Elodie Nowodazkij.

Fear is power. They fear me. They don’t fear me enough. Every year a girl disappears in Gavert County, Texas. Their bodies are found days, sometimes months, later with an angel wing carved on their face. They call me “the Angel Killer” and I’m on the hunt again. But this time, it’s personal.

Seventeen-year-old cheerleader Erin Hortz has been warned about the Angel Killer all her life. She never walks alone in the dark. She doesn’t talk to strangers. She doesn’t accept drinks at parties. All she wants is to finish her senior year with a win at the Miss Junior Queen of Hearts pageant, capture the perfect light over the lake with her new camera, and finally catch the attention of her best friend Nadia’s brother—former football star Dimitri Kuklev. Since his injury, they’ve been spending a lot of time together. And getting to know the real Dimitri—not the one she put on a pedestal in her diary is better than she could ever have imagined. And she’s falling hard.

Nineteen-year-old Dimitri’s injury brought him from football superstar with universities from all around the country knocking at his door to not knowing what he wants to do with his life. Taking classes at the local community college is supposed to get him back on track, but all he wants is to be on the field again. The only person who seems to understand him is the one he swore to keep in the friend zone: Erin. His sister Nadia’s best friend and the reason why he can’t keep a girlfriend. Between their early morning jogs, their time spent at the lake laughing, and their late night conversations, he’s having a hard time remembering why it’s such a bad idea.
But when Nadia doesn’t come home after a party, Dimitri and Erin know they must find her before it’s too late—even if that means risking their own lives and everything Erin’s ever known.

Because the main suspect is Erin’s father.

Amazon preorder

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Annnnnd you could win a $50 Amazon Gift Card by participating in The Cover Reveal Giveaway…

download

THANK YOU 🙂

Currently

Currently…

In an effort to blog a bit more regularly, I’ve decided to  Katy Upperman‘s “Currently” posts 🙂 Don’t hesitate to join us. (Find the origins of the idea HERE.)

Loving

Planning again!

Reading

I am finishing up HATE LIST by Jennifer Brown and man this book is breaking my heart.

Watching

The hubby and I started watching 30 Rock…Otherwise, I may or may not have Gilmore Girls (again) in the background when doing housework.

Listening To

My very eclectic playlist on my iPod while jogging and writing. I wrote at B&N yesterday after working and having my music on helps me to blur out everything that’s not my main characters.

Thinking About

Ways to make my characters even more real.

Anticipating

Family visit! At the end of April, the hubby’s mom and aunt are arriving and then my parents are joining the fun beginning of May.

Wishing

Hmmm 🙂 You know if you’re on Goodreads, you can add FEAR ME, FEAR ME NOT to your TBR 🙂

Fear Me, Fear Me Not

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annnnd if you’ve read any of my books, don’t hesitate to leave a review on the e-retailer of you choice 🙂 (Amazon, B&N, iTunes, Kobo)

Making Me Happy

Walking the dog with the hubby almost every night and definitely every weekend. Quality time in the midst of our busy schedule is definitely making me happy.

What’s currently making YOU happy?

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On Wednesdays we talk about writing…

On Wednesdays we talk about how writing and today it’s all about how amazing it can be.

So, if you’re a writer, you know being a writer isn’t as easy as it sometimes seems. And it’s sometimes not as poetic or romantic as what seems. Dirty laundry piling up, those petrifying moments when you think you suck, the sentence that doesn’t want to cooperate…you know the drill.

If you’re not a writer, you may wonder what the heck I just talked about 🙂

But no matter what: being a writer can be pretty awesome. And here’s one reason:

Reading manuscripts early on. Before anyone else.

Being a critique partner, a beta reader isn’t only awesome to gain skills as a writer, it also means you get to read manuscripts early on. And some of the manuscripts I’ve read are getting published later this year and next year.

And I’m so excited for those authors 🙂

28239308KISSING MAX HOLDEN by Katy Upperman (expected publication: 2017)

When Max Holden’s father suffers a life-altering stroke, seventeen-year-old aspiring pastry chef Jillian Eldridge has no idea how to help her longtime friend. Max, once bright and bold as lemon meringue pie, is sinking into a spiral of self-destruction. Then he knocks on Jill’s window late one night, and she can’t turn him away. Her dad catches them in the midst of a sizzling kiss and gives her a choice: Stay away from Max or fund culinary school on her own.

Still, Jill is drawn to Max like sugar to butter. When her parents’ fights escalate after the birth of her sister, Jill sneaks to Max’s for escape. Then she discovers that her dad’s keeping a secret of his own, one that could shatter their fragile family. Only Max—who’s more involved in the Eldridges’ drama than he realizes—might be able to help Jill put the pieces back together.

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Wanderlost.jpgWANDERLOST by Jen Malone (publication date: May 31st)

Not all those who wander are lost, but Aubree Sadler most definitely is on this novel’s whirlwind trip through Europe.

Aubree can’t think of a better place to be than in perfectly boring Ohio, and she’s ready for a relaxing summer. But when her older sister, Elizabeth, gets into real trouble, Aubree is talked into taking over Elizabeth’s summer job, leading a group of senior citizens on a bus tour through Europe.

Aubree doesn’t even make it to the first stop in Amsterdam before their perfect plan begins unraveling, leaving her with no phone, no carefully prepared binder full of helpful facts, and an unexpected guest: the tour company owner’s son, Sam. Considering she’s pretending to be Elizabeth, she absolutely shouldn’t fall for him, but she can’t help it, especially with the most romantic European cities as the backdrop for their love story.

But her relationship with Sam is threatening to ruin her relationship with her sister, and she feels like she’s letting both of them down. Aubree knows this trip may show her who she really is—she just hopes she likes where she ends up.

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Amazon preorder


 

TheLastThingYouSaidTHE LAST THING YOU SAID by Sara Biren (expected publication: 2017)

Everything changed for Ben Porter and Lucy Meadows after Ben’s sister – Lucy’s best friend – died. Now, as summer returns and the first anniversary of Trixie’s death approaches, Ben and Lucy can no longer avoid their grief or their feelings for each other.

Publication is planned for 2017.

 

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If you’re a writer, what book have you read recently that is/got published recently? 

If you’re a reader, what book are you looking forward to read?