emotions – Elodie Nowodazkij

How do you feel? Changed?

This is the somewhat dreaded question you are asked when turning 16, 18, 21, 30 and so on…or one that your friends ask you after special moments in your life.

How about when you announce to the world that you’re self-publishing?

Things do change.

When you take this step, you close other options for this book. Options that hopefully you weighted the pros and cons of before, not after.

Most importantly, you open new doors.

I’ll tell you what has concretely changed for me.

I freak out a bit more about what/how I write on this blog. I still say everything I want but I’m afraid of typos and possible errors…and that those will turn people off from my book. I want to yell: “My book has an editor, it will also go through copy editing and proofreading. Love me.”

Or maybe not as dramatic but you get the gist.

I researched how to handle reviews. See I’ve got my first review on Goodreads and it’s so nice and I want to hug it and the reviewer but I cannot comment, right? I cannot put myself out there. Wait, I think I just did, but that was only to express my confusion. Nothing more. I know the rules: no interaction with the reviewer. But what about if they reach out to you, it’s fine right?

I´m also totally confused about this us vs them debate.

I think we pretty much all have the goal of having our books reach readers. There are different paths. There are different ways to go about it. But really? Those are choices. And choices are good.

I respect and encourage everyone who’s trying to make it happen. Querying is tough, getting an agent is tough, going the traditional route is super tough. Going indie may not be easier. Self-publishing is also difficult. You forego going through certain doors, yes but for that you have to also be willing to spend time finding the people to work with, to become involved in some aspects you might not be otherwise.

Again, those are choices. But let’s all rejoice in our love of writing and reading 🙂

I’m using Facebook more often and trying to come up with engaging content there as well.

I write more. I have deadlines now and thanks to #WriterRecharge, I have already achieved a lot this month.

Before I start writing, I sometimes get scared, what if no-one loves it? But I had moments before where I had the same fear, so I guess that’s a constant.

Most importantly?

I wake up every single morning, knowing that my book will be out there. In the big wild world and that maybe Antonio and Nalatya will touch people. That someone in high school will talk about them to their friends. That someone may take a piece of them in their own adventure.

And honestly, I cannot find a gif for that amazing feeling 🙂

So…uh…yeah…about that book…*sniffles*…it’s…*breaks down*.

That was me when I closed The Fault in Our Stars. Not eloquent and definitely in no stage to give a proper review.

Summary from Goodreads: Diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer at 12, Hazel was prepared to die until, at 14, a medical miracle shrunk the tumours in her lungs… for now. Two years post-miracle, sixteen-year-old Hazel is post-everything else, too; post-high school, post-friends and post-normalcy. And even though she could live for a long time (whatever that means), Hazel lives tethered to an oxygen tank, the tumours tenuously kept at bay with a constant chemical assault. Enter Augustus Waters. A match made at cancer kid support group, Augustus is gorgeous, in remission, and shockingly to her, interested in Hazel. Being with Augustus is both an unexpected destination and a long-needed journey, pushing Hazel to re-examine how sickness and health, life and death, will define her and the legacy that everyone leaves behind

When Tracey announced that The Fault in Our Stars would be the book for this month YA Book Club (by the way: if you want to join or just check out Tracey’s amazing blog, you can click here), I did this:

And then, I thanked her. This was the comment I left on her blog: “Thank you for picking it, because honestly I was not quite sure I would pick it up. Why? Because I am afraid to know from the get-go that I will cry. Plenty of books make me tear up. Crying while reading happened (cough *more than once* cough) but it came usually as somewhat of a surprise. I have never read books about cancer; I probably stayed away from them unconsciously. I need to warn the hubby that he might find me crying on the couch soon. Since I also become emotive while I watch TV, he might turn to me while I’m reading and say “So not crying yet?” 😀”

I read that book at my Mother-In-Law’s while my husband was trying to jump the battery of the car which had died because I had left a light on. I cuddled on the bed and read until tears fell freely on my face. My dear Mother-In-Law wondered a bit when I suddenly came out of the bedroom, with red eyes, the sniffles and asking her for tissues. She smiled at me but she glanced quickly at her son, dear hubby, who had just gotten back, with a question mark on her face. My husband who is fully aware of my possible emotional state when I 1) read, 2) watch a movie, 3) watch a TV show, 4) read old letters…just shrugged it off. “She was reading a sad book”.

But the thing is, as I explained to him while driving around to make sure the battery got charged up, this book is not a “sad book”. John Green did not show us mopey, he introduced us to fun, loving, funny, quirky, witty, strong, weak, flawed, lovable, smart characters. He introduced us to “people”. And that is where the magic of this book is. Hazel and Augustus are afraid of course but their feelings are not tamed. They jump out of the pages directly into the heart of the reader.

I laughed while reading. I smiled. I nodded (like my own characters, I seem to do a lot of nodding). I yelled (in my head) at the unfairness of it all. Yes, I also cried. A lot.

It is a book full of emotions. It´s a roller coaster. It´s life and it´s beautiful.

I cannot wait to join the discussion 😀 What did YOU think about this book?