Fear Me, Fear Me Not

“Nadia hasn’t replied to my text.” Erin readjusts her camera and turns to the tree house with a frown. We thought about tearing it down—but Nadia’s the one who told us that tearing it down wouldn’t change a thing. She’s been planting those blue flowers that should bloom in the fall. The garden is one of the only things she leaves the house for these days.

“She left me on read,” I reply—putting down my drawing pad. Nadia’s at home. In her room. She hates that we worry about her. She hates worrying about everything herself. She tries so hard to pretend she’s slowly dealing with what happened. But she hasn’t. Dad and Nanna are trying to convince her to go to Maryland—to spend some time away from Gavert City. Maybe, she will.

My therapist reminded me I can’t fully understand what Nadia’s going through. I can be there for her. I can be in the “pond” with her, as he called it—just be with her and be empathetic, and not try to make it better, not tell her “It’s going to be okay.” That’s hard. Feeling helpless.

And then he told me to keep on living myself.

I do.

Part of me living is being here in this moment right now. I could have lost Erin. Just the thought makes it fucking hard to breathe.

Erin and I walk side by side. Our fingers intertwine in a gesture that has become familiar. We stop by the tree house and my lips touch hers briefly. My entire body warms and I whisper, “You have no idea how I wish Caleb wasn’t coming home in five minutes.”

“Tell me about it,” she replies, with a slight blush as her fingers run down my back, and slip under my shirt.

“Erin! Dimi!” Caleb calls our names. He must have just gotten back from the Carmichael’s house. They’ve apologized a thousand times.

He rushes toward us, giggling.

“Do you think your Mom told him?” I ask Erin and she tilts her head.

“She must have told him.”

Caleb arrives, panting. “I’m getting a dog. I’m getting a dog!” He laughs and take both of our hands in his. “I want to fly. Make me fly, p—pl—please.” He’s been working on his stutter with a speech therapist. He’s been working on his trauma with a social worker. And as Erin and I look at each other as we count, “One, two, three,” and pull Caleb up as he jumps in the air, I feel as if we find new ways to connect, to understand each other.

My chest expands.

Our gaze lock.

I love you, I mouth to her. And she mouths the words back to me.

And even though, we’re all still learning how to move forward, this moment—right here, right now—feels like our past, present and future.

Visting Audrey

“We have to find something else.” Dimitri wraps his muscular arm around me, bringing me closer and I inhale deeply, finding solace in his warmth and his scent mixed with the crisp October air. It’s like an anchor, holding me steady, reminding me of who I am, who we are. “I won’t let Nadia down.” My voice doesn’t shatter, but he knows, he knows how my stomach knots, how my throat tightens, how my heart races. My gaze glance up at the imposing building in front of us where Audrey is waiting for us.

Playing games. Or not.

He tightens his grip, his fingers softly caressing mine, sending a spark through my veins. “You don’t have to do this. I’m right here with you.” His eyes, intense and filled with unspoken promises, lock with mine. “I can face her alone if you want.” His words are like a whisper, yet they hold the strength of a roaring wave, and I know he would face all the demons in the world just to keep me safe.

“She asked for me, too,” he adds, his jaw clenching as the doors open. And of course, she did. She’s spinning her webs, trying to pull him into her dark, twisted world.

She’s writing to her many admirers that Dimitri played her. But that she forgave him.

That he’s still the one.

And that she has information about Nadia that we might want to know.

Knowing Audrey, she may have lied simply to see us.

Just to mess with us.

After being searched and talking with our lawyer and the security guards, we’re ushered into a small room. It smells like antiseptic and there are no windows, only glaring lights from the ceiling.

My hand tightens around Dimitri’s. “Why am I thinking about Silence of the Lambs right now?” I whisper, half to myself, half to him.

“It must be the Halloween season,” he whispers back, a hint of a reassuring smile playing on his lips. “And her unnerving giggles.” His words are light, but his grip on my hand is firm, reassuring. We are in this together.

She’s giggling in the hallway. Like she didn’t murder people. Like she didn’t destroy so many lives.

Dimitri and I exchange a look and my heart is my throat. And when the door opens and she smiles at us, I’m tempted to lurch forward and make her tells us what she knows.

If anything.

She bats her eyes at Dimitri, purring, “I told you my lover was going to come.”

Dimitri turns to our lawyer. “The rules are clear, right? She doesn’t get anything else but us here now. And if she doesn’t talk, we leave.” His voice is filled with resolved.

And Audrey tilts her head, her gaze zeroes in as if she can see our hands intertwined underneath the table. “Once Upon A Time, I was Daddy’s favorite little girl. But then I murdered him. Oops.”

She’s playing a role. But she doesn’t scare me. Not anymore.

“And once upon a time, I thought you were my friend.” I lift a shoulder. “And that my father was a decent man. But we’re not here to talk about our family story. You said you knew something about Nadia. That she’s in danger.”

“Nadia and Liam kissing in a tree… oh wait, I killed him, too.”

Her giggles intensify and Dimitri leans forward.

“You have thirty seconds to spit out whatever you want to spit out and then we’re leaving.”

Audrey’s eyes narrow. “Always so strong. So sure. You should have been mine.” And then she sighs. A theatrical sigh that she might have used during our beauty pageants. “Fine. Maybe if I tell you, you’ll come back if I have more information. Because you know I have more stories to tell.” Her voice is her sugary sweet as apple pie voice and that voice sends an uncomfortable shrill down my spine but I force myself to remember we’re here for a reason. “I got a letter. With a secret code. That said Nadia is mine. The secret code that person used? Only a few select know it. Let’s just say, I have my ways with the internet.” And with those words, she giggles again.

As if on cue, one of the security officer steps forward, a plastic bag in his hand. Inside is a contraband cell phone. Dimitri’s brows furrow as he pieces things together. “We’ve confiscated this from Audrey’s cell. Measures are being reinforced to ensure she doesn’t have outside contact again.” The officer assures us. “And she sent that message to herself. We’ve combed through everything.”

Audrey pouts. “Not fair. This was fun. I can’t have fun anymore. It’s boring here.”

“Nothing else?” Dimitri asks and his finger caresses my palm.

Audrey leans forward. “I could tell you more about that day if you want to hear how…”

But before she finished Dimitri stands up. “We’re not here for that. And you wasted our time.”

The officer opens the door for us and we stride out. “We also found out who was arranging those cell phones for her and we have put a stop to it.”

It’s a relief to know that, at least for now, Audrey’s lines to the outer world are being cut.

Dimitri and I step into the fresh day. The sun is bright, but it’s his pull that brings warmth as he draws me close. “We’ve finally escaped her,” he says, his voice so soft it’s almost drowned by the breeze. I tilt my head, meeting his eyes, and there’s a world of understanding there—a shared history of shadows and secrets. His lips touch mine, not urgently, but with a gentle depth that speaks of hope and all the tomorrows we’ll have together.

“We get to choose our path now,” I murmur, fingers laced with his, feeling the reassuring squeeze of his hand.

Surrounded by the subtle sounds of nature, the past seems distant. Our history might be scarred, but the horizon is wide open, and I feel like we’re standing on the edge of infinite possibilities.

His touch grounds me, and for a moment, everything else fades. His kiss deepens, and it’s like we’re carving out a new space in this world just for the two of us. A sanctuary away from all the chaos.

Each step Dimitri and I take, it’s like we’re creating a photo album of our lives, snapshots filled with hope, understanding, and love, and yes, shadows too. Our pasts, the pain, and the scars—they’re in those pictures, part of our stories, but they’re not the whole story. We don’t forget them, we don’t leave them behind, but we’re learning they don’t have to define everything we are or everything we do. We’re living, laughing, loving, in spite of them, and sometimes, because of them. It’s in the way Dimitri looks at me, the way we understand each other without words, it’s in every small touch and shared smile, reminders of what we’ve been through and where we’re heading. It’s building a future where our scars are just one part of us, where joy is a constant presence, coloring our days in hues brighter than our darkest times.

Parents’ wedding

“I will laugh with you. I will be your rock just as you’re mine. I will love you. Now and forever.”

Those words and the way she says them while looking at him with so much tenderness? It tugs at something inside of me and I glance at Erin who gives me one of her smiles that warms me from the inside out.

Our parents are getting married.

Promising each other to be there for one another in good times and bad times.

My dad clears his throat. “I will laugh with you. I will be your rock just as you’re mine. I will love you. Now and forever.”

They wrote their vows together. One evening at the kitchen table. With their favorite 70s music in the background and the smell of apple pie Erin’s mom had baked earlier with Caleb and my father. Seeing them together: the way they help one another, the way they relax and smile more, the way they’re creating a life, I shouldn’t have been surprised.

After all, Erin had seen them getting together and even told me she thought they were going to get married.  

And I think Mom would be happy for them. Her best friend who went through so much and her husband who loved her so much.

After the ceremony and their first dance, Dad strolls toward me. “Thank you,” he tells me.

And I raise an eyebrow. “For what?”

“For being here. For not flipping out when we told you.” His gaze is serious. “I never thought I’d ever fall in love again, you know. Especially not with your girlfriend’s mother.” He clears his throat and shoves his hands into his pockets. “With your mother’s best friend.”

“I’m happy for you. Really,” I reply. And in the distance we hear Nadia’s laughter. And that laughter? It makes us both smile.

Caleb is running around with Domino, our dog who thinks he’s still a puppy—even though we adopted him when he was already two.

And my dad gives me a hug. Wrapping his arms around me. And when he wipes away a tear, my own heart does a weird flutter behind my ribcage.

“I’m proud of you son,” he tells me before he’s off, involved in one of those lively dances that make everyone burst into laughter. I’m anchored at the table, sipping some non-alcoholic cider and watching our yard turn into a scene straight out of a romantic movie, twinkling lights and all.

It’s heartwarming, witnessing the town revive after all the tragedies we’ve encountered. I’m on the home stretch with my studies at Midwestern and have even started my teacher internship, a crucial step for the education requirement. Balancing time between helping Coach Miller and contemplating a future where I can be a high school art teacher and maybe even an assistant coach. It’s like the town, and I are in sync, slowly but surely, moving forward, rebuilding. Feels good to be part of the healing, to be part of the hope.

“Can I have this dance?” Erin’s stepping toward me, the music’s dialing it back, and it feels like my heart’s not just in my chest—it’s all over the place. It’s in her eyes, her smile, her voice.

I’m seriously in love with her.

And she’s looking like something out of a dream, standing there in her light blue dress and converse, her hair darker and shorter than before. And her lips… man, those lips. Lips I’ve kissed over and over, drawn a bunch of times, dream about even.

“You can have this one and every one after,” I say, barely above a whisper, pulling her close. She fits against me like she’s always been a part of me.

It’s like we’re in our own little world, just soft looks and quiet breaths, lost in each other. She’s a fire, lighting me up everywhere she touches. Every nerve’s alive, buzzing, wanting.

Her hand’s light as a feather, running over my back, loving, claiming. My fingers are telling stories, running over her skin, telling her all the things I feel, all the things I am. Every touch is like a promise, a silent shout about the world we’ve built, the love we’ve grown.

Our eyes lock, and I see a whole world in hers, a world full of passion and promises. I touch her face, feeling the warmth of her skin. Our breaths mingle, our hearts playing the same tune.

Our lips meet, whispering secrets, telling stories of our years together, of learning each other, of being each other’s rock. It’s gentle, explorative, a dance of lips, telling of love and want and being one.

Everything else fades away, the laughter, the music, the clinking glasses. It’s just us, just Erin, in our own universe, dancing to the silent tunes of our love.

Until Caleb rushes toward us with Domino and he inserts himself into our dance, goofing off because he’s older now. His stutter is still there, but it’s different. Less pronounced.

And when we hear Nadia’s voice calling for our attention, her eyes looking at us with so much happiness too, we feel complete.